4 Strategies to Become a Better, More Active Listener and Strengthen Your Team Relationships

Leaders, there is no doubt that we have a lot competing for our attention: looming deadlines, never-ending to-do lists, days packed so full of meetings that we don’t have time to take a 2-minute breath, etc. It’s no wonder that having the time to listen to our direct reports may feel more like an aspirational goal than a realistic one. And yet, I invite us to consider the purpose of actively listening to our teams and what comes of it when we do.

When we actively listen to our teams we build relationships, generate trust, and cultivate an environment that values others. These qualities lead to an increased ability to influence, engage, and motivate our teams, which then helps us achieve the results we need.

Here are 4 strategies to become a better, more active listener

Strategy #1: Set Boundaries to Cultivate Presence

How many times have you heard a knock at the office door or a ping on your computer that has interrupted the long list of tasks you are trying to accomplish that day? It happens to all of us, and yet looking up from our desks or engaging in that 5-minute virtual check-in to be present for a direct report could result in positive dividends. Our actions as leaders greatly impact how direct reports feel about themselves and the work that they are doing. If we have little to no time for them, we might be sending them the message that they and their contributions do not matter. However, if we are intentionally present for them, we show just how much they valued.

Though we have a lot going on, we also have the power to arrange our time and energy so that we can still be present for our team. Set times in which you are available and times in which you are not. Then, communicate your availability to your team. They will appreciate the transparency, the way in which you are showing up for them, and your example. Setting boundaries is a good thing because it helps us attend to our own needs so that we can better attend to the needs of others.

Strategy #2: Let Go of Being Busy for the Sake of Busyness

Speaking of setting boundaries to better manage our time for ourselves and our teams, Harvard Business Review recently published “Beware a Culture of Busyness” where they bring attention to our belief as humans that when we are busy it means that we are working hard and that the harder we work, the more our work is valued. The article is worth checking out for leaders to learn how to better support their direct reports in trading “busyness” for high-value, purposeful work that leads to maximized productivity and more engaged employees. However, the article also sparks questions about what we, as leaders, are prioritizing. Our predilection for busyness can be one of our greatest barriers to building relationships with our team.

This week schedule 15-30 minutes to evaluate how you are spending your time and ask yourself the following questions so that you can ensure that your activity is high value and purposeful for both you and your team.

1. What activities take up most of my time and what purposes do they serve?
2. What unexpected things come up in my day and when I attend to them, what purposes do they serve?
3. Are there activities that I can let go of or delegate?
4. What am I doing for the sake of being busy?
5. How might I prioritize actively listening to my team, knowing that this is a high value, purposeful activity?
6. What needs to happen in my daily responsibilities to be able to do so?

Strategy #3: Engage Your Curiosity

Being genuinely curious is one of the best tools we can have in our leadership toolkit because it helps us become more active and empathetic listeners. Curiosity prompts us to ask questions that invite deeper learning, understanding, and connection. It lessens judgment of self and others and, instead, helps us develop empathy. Think about a time when someone was truly curious about you. What did they do? How did their investing in you and being curious about you make you feel? Now, consider what this type of investment and being genuinely curious will do for your team. When we engage our curiosity, we naturally become more active listeners.

Get started building your curiosity muscle by asking each of your direct reports one simple question and then giving them your full and undivided attention. Turn your body to them, look them in the eyes, and ask, “How are you today?” Then, stay quiet and in that place of curiosity. After they respond, get curious and ask them another question based on what they shared. Hint: Be sure to read strategy #4 before you do this activity to ensure that you are actively listening.

Strategy #4: Deactivate Reloading

Have you ever been in a conversation where it just seemed like the person you were talking to was not really listening, but instead thinking about what they would say next? Have you ever been the person someone is talking to, and you are the one thinking about the next thing to say? This process of thinking or preparing what to say next as someone is talking is known as “reloading,” and the fact is, all of us have experienced reloading in one way or another, whether we are on the giving or receiving end of the conversation.

When we reload as someone is talking, it is impossible for us to actively listen to and understand what is being said because our brains are too busy formulating what to say next rather than processing what is being said. The habit of reloading is a stubborn one and will take time to deactivate so that you can become a better, more active listener. Start to break the habit by thinking about those instances when you are prone to reloading. Reloading may be a result of:

• Feeling as though you need to have all the answers. Instead, invite others to share their insights and creative solutions with you and actively listen to what they have to share. As leaders, we don’t have to have all the answers, and it is better this way because we make space for other contributions.
• Trying to prove a point. When we are so focused on proving our point, it is easy to get emotionally ramped up and let those emotions keep us from hearing the other side. Instead, realize that there is no one right answer or way to do something and, if you feel yourself, getting worked up, acknowledge to yourself the emotion coming up for you, take a breath, and refocus on the conversation. Hint: Increasing your levels of emotional intelligence will also help with this.
• Thinking you know what people are thinking or going to say. If this is common practice for you, this is your opportunity to build that curiosity muscle. Instead of making assumptions or assertions about what is going to be said, get curious about hearing a new perspective.

In addition to the possible instances above, you might consider those times or emotional states when you are most likely to replace active listening with “reloading.” Is it when you are in a hurry or when you feel stressed? Do you have a tendency to do so more in one-on-one conversations or when you are engaged in a conversation with many? This self-awareness is key to both becoming more effective leaders and becoming better, more active listeners.

What strategies do you have for being a better, more active listener? 

If you would like to learn more about our leadership training programs or developing your active listening skills, contact us at [email protected].